Pride vs Humility

Something happened to me today. I wasn't happy about something a close friend of mine did. So , I confronted her about it. Wasn't expecting a formal apology from her. But  I just wanted her to know that I wasn't happy with the incident. Thats all actually. However, the way she replied. She told me to get a grip of myself and brushed off what she did simply by saying what she did wasn't wrong. Even ended the conversation by saying she wouldn't say sorry. Which lead me to think about pride and humility.


What is pride actually.
According to merriam webster i quote

"

• : a feeling that you respect yourself and deserve to be respected by other people
• : a feeling that you are more important or better than other people
• : a feeling of happiness that you get when you or someone you know does something good, difficult, et "

There you go. its more of a sense of self worth. In our social setting its about how you value yourself in the social hierarchy. 

Often, we use Ego interchangeably with pride.

On the other hand. The opposite of pride would be humility which is defined as:

"a modest or low view of one's own importance; humbleness."



Growing up in an Asian family. I was taught to be humble. We were taught to respect our elders , never to ignore their wishes fulfilling every single one of them including their career choices for us. Yes, our elders decide what we do with our lives. To some extent even decide who we shall spend our lives with.

A typical indian guy getting married to someone who he might not know

But somewhere along the way something changes. As we grow up, enter tertiary education. The rebellious side of ourselves begin to resurface. Years of suppression results in a monster emerging out of nowhere. Theres when the peak of our 'pride' emerges. We think highly of ourselves, believe that we are always right and even refuse to accept that we could be wrong. The reality is, we're often wrong rather than right but its a difficult notion to accept for some.  I used to be in that phase. I suppose its a part of growing up. We grow up being humble at first , before our ego resurfaces and then subsequently we go back to being humble after facing the real word .

Some may even regain their pride later on in life once their ego goes up again.

SO, is it good or bad. Both i'd say. Ego gives us the confidence to deal with every day life. We need to be respected. People need to know that we have the caliber to do work. Without ego we'd probably get nowhere. However, too much ego on the other hand could be detrimental as well. Too much ego would probably get you into arguements, unstable relationships etc. People would think that you're snobbish, arrogant and proud of yourself. In the short term you could probably pull it off but it would never take you anywhere in the distant future. Nobody would want to work with you, or deal with you as a matter of fact. 

Which also talks about managing people. Ego and humility revolves around our interaction with people. Establishing a meaningful, lasting relationship requires a good balance of both.

This quote has been circulating online for a while now. I'm not sure who the psychologist is but I do believe in what he/she said. 

However, what this quote doesn't tell us is what it takes to maintain a relationship for 7 years. What I learnt today is how easy it is to dismember a relationship that has lasted for years. Also how people can be full of pride sometimes. 

It takes a lot of humility for someone to say sorry sometimes. "Sorry" is probably the most powerful word in existence. Used correctly, it the one word which would bring you places. But, its also the word which could annoy people at times. Again, one needs to know when to use the word and when to not use the word. Which directly translates to the balance between ego and humility.

All my life, I had lots of trouble saying sorry for mistakes that I did. I simply couldnt say sorry and accept that I was wrong. Even though it was clear that I was wrong. I got myself into some really deep shit because of that attitude of mine. Then , there was a phase where I started saying sorry for pretty much everything that I thought I did wrong. Which was good initially, as people were not angry with me anymore. But walking into the hospital, I realised that not saying sorry is probably better than saying sorry. The consultants are so fed up with hearing sorries from the housemen till that they blow their top just hearing at the word. Those times in the hospital taught me that, there is a time and place for everything. We should be humble enough to say sorry for our mistakes, but we should also be smart enough to know when it would probably annoy someone. Its also the easiest way to calm an angry person. Even in the hospital setting. Most lawsuits take place because the physician/surgeon simply had too much pride to acknowledge their mistake and say sorry to the patient. If only they were humble enough to say sorry, it wouldve saved them lots of time, money and also their reputation.

Moral of the day: